This will all be worth it..

(First, as a disclaimer I just want to say that I'm unsure as to why the layout of this entry is so weird, I've tried fixing it for an hour and nothings working.)

As I inject myself with hormones for the umpteenth time, and hear about a new friend 

who's expecting their little miracle, I remind myself...

"This will all be worth it.. someday."

I have a friend who is about 2 weeks ahead of what was my pregnancy. Hers stuck. Every 

week, she posts a cute little thing about how many weeks she is, and what momentous 

thing her baby is doing. Every time the thought of my "what might have been" starts to 

subside I'm reminded of the reality of just how far along I should be. I torture myself with 

google searches of what MY baby would be doing that week. I look at images of what MY 

baby would look like right now. And then I realize that there is no baby. Only a brief, yet joyous memory.

Someday I hope to have that happy memory again, and that it will last longer than a week. 

That Ill get to anxiously call my friends and family and tell them the wonderful news. Ill get 

to hear the excitement in my mothers voice as she asks me if she can tell anyone.. Ill get to 

see the pride in my husband's face..

Someday this will all be worth it. 

TTCing is one of the most stressful things I have ever been put through in my life. Some 

weeks I feel utterly hopeless, and I have a hard time keeping faith in my mantra. 

Last week, when I was having a particularly hard time coping with the situation I have been 

dealt, I stumbled across a poem. There is no way that this could have been by accident. I truly believe God was trying to speak to me. 

A Different Child

By Pandora MacMillian

A different child,

People notice

There's a special glow around you.

You grow

Surrounded by love,

Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy

In your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes

Between the smiles

There's a trace of tears,

One day

You'll understand.

You'll understand

There was once another child

A different child

Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes

That child will never keep them up at night

In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,

When mother and father miss so much

That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly

And may you learn the lesson forever

How infinitely precious

How infinitely fragile

Is this life on earth.

One day, as a young man or woman

You may see another mother's tears

Another father's silent grief

Then you, and you alone

Will understand

And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,

You will tell them

With great compassion,

"I know how you feel.

I'm only here

Because my mother tried again."

That last part, still gives me goosebumps every time I read it.  In a dark and hopeless moment, that statement gave me the strength, and the willpower to do just that..

Try again.

And yes. 

Someday, this will all be worth it..